October 2009
23 posts
Potential Monologue Jokes
Another airplane was targeted with a laser while landing at Sea-Tac Airport, because what could possibly be more fun than shining lasers at pilots?!?
At least a dozen planes headed into Sea-Tac have been targeted with lasers in recent months. So that’s what snipers do in their spare time…
It is a federal offense to shine a laser at a flying airplane. In other words, it is against...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Boeing is re-creating its Puget Sound-area airplane-making factories in South Carolina. The decision comes as a surprise to some, but not to those who live in Everett! (Because obviously South Carolina is better than Everett…)
Another foot was found inside of a running shoe on a beach in British Columbia. Nike is taking viral marketing too far. There’s no need to prove that your...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Due to budget problems, some felons in Washington state who violate probation are being sent home with an ankle bracelet instead of back to prison. Sounds like a win-win for a prisoner! “If I violate my probation I will not have to look for a job AND I won’t be sent back to prison. In fact, I’ll get to hang out at home all day…”
Seattle tied with Boston as the...
Potential Monologue Jokes
The King County Sheriff’s Office released a “cold case” deck of playing cards. Each card features an unsolved homicide or missing person case. The sheriff’s office suggested that the cards could be used to play the most depressing game of poker ever.
Researchers suggest that a massive magma pool may link Mount St. Helens, Mount Adams and Mount Rainier. It’s a...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Hosting “Glenn Beck Day” cost Mount Vernon $17,748.85. The costs are mostly due to overtime worked by police, as there is not yet a way to calculate the monetary value of lost dignity.
The owner of the Thai Ginger restaurants in Seattle was arrested after allegedly paying her employees $20,000 to marry her relatives from Thailand. “Marriage is not a crime,” one...
Potential Monologue Jokes
An 18-year-old girl and 24-year-old guy from Tacoma were sentenced to four years in jail for playing a game they called “sex me,” where you take off clothes depending on which headlights are out on passing cars. Four years?!? They sound innocent (and young) to me…
Oh, it turns out they were on a railroad trestle over I-5, also throwing rocks at cars. Yup. That sounds like it...
The Brandon Ivey Show Wednesday at The HUT
The show is tomorrow. Please enjoy the jokes below because there WILL NOT be a monologue. (which is not to say that none of the “potential monologue jokes” were good enough to make the show, we just have something different planned…)
Potential Monologue Jokes
The Seattle City Council authorized the city and state to move ahead with the project to replace the Alaskan Way Viaduct with a tunnel. Seattle residents repeatedly voted against the tunnel, which prompted a city council spokesman to note that the council’s 9-to-0 vote to move forward with the project was necessary because “the tunnel is not going to build itself. Obviously.” ...
Potential Monologue Jokes
In 2010, freeways in Seattle will get “smarter.” Among the improvements planned are “high-tech” signs to display variable speed limits. It’s all part of the city’s plan to reduce road rage. Too many people were upset about getting mocked by signs that listed a 60 mph speed limit when they were stuck in traffic.
The Seattle PI finds answers to the TOUGH...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Ten recent UW graduates visited 101 bars in Seattle in 15 hours, setting a world record. Most WSU graduates do something similar, only at ONE bar in Pullman EVERYDAY…
The U.S. and Canada will perform joint naval exercises along the Washington coast this week. The U.S. will provide the ships, Canada will provide the life jackets.
A young woman on a Metro bus recently talked loudly about...
Potential Monologue Jokes
This holiday season, Washington State will operate temporary liquor stores in shopping malls. Being a mall cop just got a thousand times harder.
Washington State will operate temporary liquor stores in shopping malls. In a related story, shopping at The Gap has become increasingly popular among bums.
Washington State will operate temporary liquor stores in shopping malls. The stores are...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Guns are not allowed in Seattle park facilities that have signs that say guns are not allowed. Community centers will get the first signs, followed by pools, ball fields and popular play areas. All facilities should have signs by December 1. That only gives me a few weeks to take my gun to unpopular play areas!
A man accused of creating a disturbance on a flight from Seattle is under mental...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Cyndy’s House of Pancakes on Aurora will NOT be turned into a strip club. The restaurant is still for sale though, as the owners acknowledge that building a house out of pancakes was not the most structurally sound decision.
Two men trying to get out of the “magazine selling business” were beaten with baseball bats and golf clubs at the Best Night Inn in Tacoma. So next time...
Potential Monologue Jokes
A large pit in downtown Seattle will be re-filled to become a parking lot, just like it was before the crater was created. A luxury hotel-condo was planned for the location. The new plan is for a luxury parking lot.
Twins were crowned Miss Washington back-to-back. Looks like the Miss Washington judges aren’t even trying anymore.
The roof of Mukilteo’s city hall is covered with...
Potential Monologue Jokes
The SWAT team was called in to stop an argument between two neighbors at an apartment building in Ballard. After firing off “flash bangs,” the SWAT team discovered the man suspected of having a gun was not in the apartment. Turns out he was a magician.
The Puget Sound area is emerging as a wine region due to climate change. I cannot wait for the day that I can go to Paulsbo to buy...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Police believe they arrested a burglar who has been stealing electronics from U.W. fraternities. The man had 12 iPods in his possession when he was arrested. Police note that if the fraternity burglaries continue while the suspect is detained, then they probably accidentally arrested a guy who really, REALLY likes music.
A homeless group is considering camping in Puyallup, but the city has a...
Potential Monologue Jokes
An illegal immigrant from Peru who lived in Seattle for eight years and graduated from the University of Washington is facing deportation after accidentally driving to the Canadian border. He would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for that pesky border crossing.
Seriously though. Who lives in Seattle for eight years and doesn’t realize that I-5 north ends up in Canada? I guess...
Potential Monologue Jokes
An Evergreen professor was placed on leave because he cannot account for at least $50,000 he collected from students for trips to Chile. Students asked to be reimbursed because the trips were less educational than expected. I think the school might be going a little hard on the professor. Thousands of dollars in tuition for a lackluster education? That sounds exactly like Evergreen!
Washington...
Potential Monologue Jokes
An Aberdeen man is walking from Texas to his home, pulling a 12-foot cross on wheels with his belongings attached to the bottom of the cross. Aberdeen police say the man has several misdemeanor warrants “to clear up” when he arrives. Sounds like this guy should turn around!
Seattle committed to plowing major streets within 8 hours after a snow storm. Woah, slow down there, Seattle....
Potential Monologue Jokes
The Seattle School Board is considering allowing high-school students to graduate with a D-average. Currently, students need a C-average to graduate, effectively making a D an F. Sounds like the Seattle School Board should also consider re-learning the alphabet.
The Seattle Parks director was fined $300 for illegally having his wedding at a Seattle park. This guy set a horrible precedent....
Potential Monologue Jokes
A 15-year-old boy was seriously injured in Yelm during a “fireworks experiment.” That’s surprising. How could an experiment involving teenagers and fireworks possibly go wrong?
License-plate holders that say “Ted Bundy was a Husky” are not funny, according to one Seattle Times reader. They are not supposed to be funny. Have a little state pride, the University of...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Bellevue plans on building 90 miles of sidewalks to make the city more walkable. Bellevue is 31 square miles large, so apparently the plan is to cover the ENTIRE CITY in sidewalks.
They’ll actually have to stack sidewalks on top of sidewalks if I’m doing the math right…
The Hammering Man has not hammered since June. He’s didn’t get fired or anything, he’s...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Seattle police evicted the Nickelsville homeless camp and took the group’s food, a generator, clothing and even toiletries. Thank you, Seattle police! We certainly need more naked hungry homeless people roaming the streets…
Cremated human remains and old beer cans are appearing in snow melting near the summit of Mount Rainier. Environmentalists say the remains are signs of global...
