November 2009
17 posts
Potential Monologue Jokes
Actual rant published in the Seattle Times: To the so-called needy family my wife’s employer is sponsoring for the holidays. Their kids’ wish list consists of nothing but high-end items including a laptop, Xbox and a digital camera. ‘Tis the season to be greedy.
Potential Monologue Jokes
The Seattle Center reached a tentative agreement to replace Memorial Stadium with underground parking, a “great lawn” and a smaller stadium. Good plan. Everybody prefers lawns to stadiums…
The Hammering Man had his hammering arm amputated because a bulge formed in his shoulder. Amputation for a bulge?!? Sounds a little drastic.
The Hammering Man’s arm will be replaced...
Potential Monologue Jokes
This.
Potential Monologue Jokes
A crack-down on gangs in the Tri-Cities resulted in more than 60 arrests. Eight guns, including two assault rifles, and hundreds of rounds of ammunition were seized. In an unrelated story, Sarah Palin is scheduled to visit the Tri-Cities on Friday. She should feel right at home…
Seriously though, 60 gang members arrested in the Tri-Cities?!? How many people are left?
A rant in...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Vancouver canceled plans to have tourists stay on seven cruise ships during the Olympics. According to tourists, cruise ships are depressing enough out at sea…
Still, it’s hard to understand why that plan was canceled. One cruise ship is hoping to attrack tourists by offering accommodations at a reduced rate of $650 per night. Okay, now I see why it was canceled.
The Seattle...
Potential Monologue Jokes
A new club in downtown Oak Harbor has a dress code and is apparently frequented by celebrities. Oak Harbor has a downtown?!?
The club - Se7en West - is named for Biblical perfection (seven) and the west coast. Because when people think of perfection on the west coast, they think of downtown Oak Harbor. And when people are at a dance club with a dress code and celebrities, the bible is sure to...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Apparently a group of UW students planned armed patrols around campus. The students billed themselves as a “vigilante” group. Armed patrols by a vigilante group of students sounds reasonable, especially considering how dangerous the UW campus is…
Within a few days after announcing their objectives, the vigilante group changed its plans. “We’re in no way affiliated...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Light-rail trains will make it all the way to Sea-Tac airport beginning December 19. Sound Transit forecasts 4,000 daily trips to the station by 2030. Assuming everything still exists after 2012…
A man from Kirkland collected money from renters even though he was not a landlord. He was sentenced to three months in jail. That’s too bad. Being a fake landlord sounds like a great idea....
Potential Monologue Jokes
A Kent man announced that he will carry a pistol into a West Seattle community center on Saturday to trigger a lawsuit challenging Seattle’s ban on guns in public spaces. Sounds like this guy should stay in Kent…
“I’m not looking for any trouble,” the guy seriously said, just after notifying the police that he planned on bringing a gun into a place in Seattle where...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Turns out the 1950s-era Ivar’s underwater billboard aimed at submarine travelers in Puget Sound was a hoax. Great. Next thing you know they’re probably going to reveal that there’s no clams in Ivar’s clam chowder…
Local retailers have had to adjust their strategies this year, according to the Seattle Times. A Capitol Hill toy store no longer sells dolls that cost...
Potential Monologue Jokes
The 860 ballots in Tukwila found in a locked drop box that was forcibly opened will be counted. It’s nice to know that every vote truly counts, even votes placed in a purposefully locked box.
“Residents in general don’t have any particular right to park in front of their own house,” Seattle Department of Transportation spokeswoman Marybeth Turner said in today’s...
Potential Monologue Jokes
A man not seen in the city of SeaTac for the past year and a half was found in California, living under a new name. There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for the man’s disappearance: he could not stand his name (Nicholas Francisco), or living in SeaTac…
When the man was last seen, he said he was going home to make cookies with his kids. Okay, maybe he’s just not...
Potential Monologue Jokes
The Camano Island teenager suspected of stealing three airplanes (among other things) has recently broken into several homes in search of food, according to Island County sheriffs. Apparently even he hates airplane food!
The suspect, Colton Harris-Moore, is known as “The Barefoot Burglar.” Sherrifs described the latest burglaries as “Colton-esque.” This kid’s...
Potential Monologue Jokes
A retired Puyallup carpenter with a permanent back injury climbed Mount Rainier last year. That’s impressive. Sounds like he retired from carpentry to become a magician.
Washington state found out about the climb and instead of congratulating the retired carpenter, the state sued him for collecting $366,000 in fraudulent workers’ compensation claims. Way to spoil the illusion,...
Potential Monologue Jokes
A large unincorporated area with 33,000 residents voted to join the city of Kirkland. Before entering the voting booth, the residents of Finn Hill, Juanita and Kingsgate said: “Nobody knows where we live. People kind of know where Kirkland is, so let’s go with that.”
A man wanted by authorities in Snohomish County ran from police as he was preparing to board a flight at...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Yakima offers an online high school called “Yakima Online!” The exclamation point in the name is redundant because the combination of Yakima and the internet can only produce enthusiasm.
Four people graduated from Yakima Online! in 2007, 13 did last year and the school anticipates 30 or 40 graduates this year. It all depends on how many students realize that the internet has the...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Washington state banned religious displays inside of the capitol building. Only a “holiday tree” is allowed. A holiday tree, I forget, is that for Hanukkah or Kwanzaa?
The ban was established in an effort to avoid the pissing match that happened last year when a nativity display at the capitol prompted an atheist group put up a sign mocking religion. A number of other displays...
