March 2010
22 posts
Potential Monologue Jokes
A federal appeals court ruled that Seattle police officers were justified when they used a stun gun on a pregnant woman who refused to sign a traffic ticket. The police would have used batons, but they were afraid that would not have caused enough pain/controversy.
It was a simple decision for the court. The judge said if the police cannot use stun guns on pregnant woman for the most trivial of...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Garbage haulers in King and Snohomish counties voted to strike this week. Finally. That means littering is legal!!!
Researchers from Washington State say stemless cherries would save money. Good research, researchers. You know what else would save money? Having researchers do something other than come up with obvious ideas.
Of course stemless cherries would save money. But then I would have...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Wauconda, a town in eastern Washington, is for sale on eBay. Hrm, where could I possibly buy used video games AND a “town” that nobody has ever heard of? Come to think of it, eBay! BREAKING NEWS
A car took the Dick’s Drive-In in Lake City too literally: Source ALSO IMPORTANT NEWS
Oak Harbor banned public nudity. Wouldn’t it have been easier just to ban me from...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Starbucks shareholders rejected a proposed recycling program, with only 11 percent of shareholders voting in favor of the initiative. “I prefer that Starbucks focus on making money and garbage,” one shareholder said.
The Seattle Times is apparently looking to overtake the SeattlePI in terms of ground-breaking investigative reporting. From Seeking the good ol’ grunge of...
Awesome
Source
Potential Monologue Jokes
State Attorney General Rob McKenna said Washington will join a lawsuit challenging the health-care reform recently passed by Congress. “If I don’t fight this thing, health care will cost less, which means that corporations will lose money,” McKenna said.
The 764-HERO hotline is expanding beyond carpool complaints to accept tips on drivers who cut in line at ferry terminals....
"Give me all your money! Give me all your money."
My friends worked really hard on this:
Potential Monologue Jokes
A middle school in Portland banned hugs. Or at least that’s what the unpopular boys at the school are telling themselves.
Seriously though. The principal at West Sylvan Middle School in Portland really did ban hugs, citing these reasons:
- Kids were late to class because of hugs
- It appeared that some students were hugging others who did not want to be hugged
- And girls were using...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Lots of crazy crime today:
Two “cowboy pirates” were arrested for allegedly stealing thousands of oysters and clams from public tidelands and private beaches on Hood Canal. They did not have the proper permits to harvest the seafood. Of course they didn’t! They were cowboy pirates!
The men harvested oysters and clams in the middle of the night on a homemade barge. Sounds...
Potential Monologue Jokes
This is the saddest news I have heard in a while: Seattle Center officials are considering putting a straw maze where the Fun Forest used to be. Just because you got rid of the Fun Forest does not mean that you have to get rid of the fun!
And the guy who wants to build a Dale Chihuly museum at the Seattle Center is “depressed” because some people oppose the museum. Misery truly does...
Comedy and Music April 1 in Bellingham
People’s Republic of Komedy JB Quartet
9pm, Thursday April 1 Wild Buffalo
208 West Holly St, Bellingham, WA
$5, 21+
Potential Monologue Jokes
Someone in Spokane is trying to sell a 4-year-old boy. The boy is okay with it as long as the buyer does not live in Spokane.
The boy was listed for sale on craigslist. The Spokane County Sheriff’s Office is investigating the sale as there are a number of legal requirements that need to be met when purchasing a child via craigslist, but basically the kid is not for sale because the ad was...
Potential Monologue Jokes
In this week’s Rant & Rave (the internet message board for Seattleites with enough time on their hands to write to a newspaper):
- A mother fights racism with passive-aggressive name-calling,
- A driver nearly ran over a mother and her small child because the driver was on a “time-critical mission” involving their own child,
- “It’s difficult being...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Washington State lawmakers will have to work in a “special session” because they failed to address a $2.8 billion shortfall in the state budget during their regular session. Each day of the special session costs the state $20,000. Hey, that’s…ironic?
The legislature wants to tax bottled water and increase tobacco taxes but cannot agree whether to increase the...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Seattle is looking for a new police chief. Mayor Mike McGinn said the police chief should be “effective and efficient.” Then McGinn added: “And cool, like me.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot,” McGinn said. “The last thing I need is a police chief who is going to harsh my mellow.”
Bill Gates is no longer the world’s richest person. I’m going to...
Potential Monologue Jokes
A Dale Chihuly museum might replace the Fun Forest at the Seattle Center. In other words, the Fun Forest could be replaced by the Mirthless Museum.
The “glass house” would cost $15 million to build and would be filled with at least $50 million worth of Chihuly’s glass art. In completely unrelated news, the Pacific Northwest is due for an earthquake…
Another museum at...
Potential Monologue Jokes
The owner of a drive-in movie theater admitted to not paying taxes between 2002 and 2005. “I figured obsolete businesses did not have to pay taxes,” the owner said.
Participation in a nationwide “walkout” by students was canceled at South Whidbey High School after students voted to ignore the idea. I would say something about high school students lacking ambition, but...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Seattle spent $65,000 on a new “now-casting” system to forecast rain. $65,000 to forecast rain in Seattle? That’s like selling snow to an Eskimo!
Couple of choice rants in this week’s Rant & Rave section: cheerleaders flying back to Seattle from competition they won were loud. That’s surprising, and certainly something worth writing to a newspaper to complain...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Two Seattle-area strip clubs deny allegations that their dancers are prostitutes. The clubs seriously argue that that they would have stopped any illegal activity if they had known it was occurring. Fair enough. These strip clubs deserve the benefit of the doubt, because why would anyone think that something illegal might happen at a strip club?
As part of the FBI’s investigation, an...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Seattle police arrested two men believed to be part of a professional pickpocket team. A team of pickpockets were able to go pro in Seattle?!? Seattle is a major city!
The guys are 48 and 58 years-old. They would “sandwich” their victims. They almost make getting your wallet stolen sound like fun…
Meanwhile, a 58-year-old Ravenna resident is being accused of running up more...
Potential Monologue Jokes
University of Washington students are being urged to skip classes Thursday afternoon to protest increased tuition and upcoming state budget cuts for colleges. The walk-out is being billed as a “strike” by student activists. Regular students are billing it as an excuse to start drinking early.
“This is to show the workers that they have some power. If there aren’t any...
Potential Monologue Jokes
Hundreds of thousands of snails the size of rice have invaded Olympia’s Capitol Lake. More like Snail Lake, am I right?!
The snails clone themselves and are “threatening to take over” the lake. Let them have it. The things CLONE THEMSELVES. We have lost the battle…
Or wait. More like Olympia is the snail capitol of Washington State. No? Nothing?
The original Red...
