The Brandon Ivey Show
Potential Monologue Jokes

Residents of British Columbia will not have to pay sales tax in Whatcom County beginning July 1 due to a change in the Canadian province’s tax structure. That’s right, Canadians will not have to pay taxes in the US because of a law in Canada. In a related story, US citizens will have the right to bear arms in Canada beginning July 1.


Seriously though. Canadian’s won’t let US citizens with a DUI into their country and now they’re going to shop in our stores without paying taxes?!? That’s a dick move. Or an act of war…


Meanwhile, an acupuncturist in Bellingham named his business “HamsterPuncture.” It’s always tough to run your own business, but this guy is off to a great start. That name won’t cause any confusion.


A King County Sheriff’s deputy resigned after a dispute involving an illegal campfire he set in the Wenatchee National Forest. He would have got away with it if he was better at geography!

(Because King County is NOWHERE NEAR Wenatchee.)

A 10 month investigation failed to determine whether the King County cop had to be told twice to douse the fire, and that he had flashed his badge trying to get special treatment; or whether the Forest Service officer was “foul-mouthed.” Regardless, it’s nice to know that cops think they can start fires wherever they want and don’t have to put them out if someone with authority swears at them.


I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m setting fires in King County. Tomorrow.